"Do you want me?"
"I always want you."
It’s 3:03am and I’m concerned because my rheumatologist wants to add another drug to the methotrexate and plaquenil to make it a triple therapy, in hopes of reducing the pain, inflammation and damage of RA.
But I just got the prescription for arava and it says not to get pregnant for 2 years after finishing the medicine, and if you want to you have to ‘flush it out’. What? How serious is this medication then?
I don’t know if I ever want children and certainly don’t have any plans in the next couple of years, so why am I awake at this hour worrying about the effects of a drug I haven’t even taken yet?
At least I can ask my doctor when I go and see him this morning…
I started a ‘blessings’ book two weeks ago on the day I lowered my valium from 7mg to 4.5mg. It isn’t a huge drop but in this second week I’ve found myself experiencing huge anxiety peaks after months of calm and joy. It is a little difficult for me to accept it without probing for answers, so my blessings book helps. I write about half a page each day, detailing the things I did that made me happy. Going for a walk, ticking a medical appointment off my list, having a great chat with my husband. Just the little, every day things that I used to gloss over before my health scare. But now I’m thankful, I’m grateful, I’m overjoyed by the little things, and I will not allow myself to lose these feelings. Not even when I’m weaning off valium and having ridiculous amounts of anxiety. This blessings book will steer me through the turbulent times and find me once again basking in the sunshine.