"I read somewhere that sometimes, the wrong train can lead you to the right station.
Dabba / The Lunchbox (Ritesh Batra, 2013)
To that part of me that waits until the early hours to start churning, good morning.
I haven’t seen you around for a while.
It may be the first time in months that I’ve actually been more focused on my body than my neurological health. I worried aggressively for several weeks while I was tested and saw a neurologist. Now it has been over a week since my reprieve and my mind has calmed down and turned to a bigger subject - my body.Read more
I went to the neurologist today and it was very hard for my husband and I. The last week for both of us has been so emotionally grueling that we haven’t been able to do much but worry. I went because my MRI scans showed a couple of lesions and areas of demyelination in the brain and spine. I had the first appointment of the day and the doctor was very nice and very smart, although he looked as if he had just walked off the set of a Bee Gees video clip in the ’70s. He said that the lesions in my brain and spine were most likely due to my arthritis needles (Cimzia), and that at this stage there is no sign of multiple sclerosis. He said there is a possibility that it could become multiple sclerosis one day, but that is something for the future to determine. He said that my body was healing the lesions and he could tell because the severity of my numbness and pins and needles are reducing substantially. My husband was so relieved to hear that, I could feel the weight on him lift instantly. So it is wonderful news! I had been imagining lumbar punctures, MRI’s every month or two with contrast and a lifetime of with a increasingly debilitating, incurable disease.
I will have another MRI in a year just to check, but if I have another episode before then where I show similar signs for over a week then I have to have an MRI. I am determined that by the time I have another MRI in a year, I’ll be healthier, happier and more calm! It was a very hard health scare for our family, but I’m so happy it has passed now. I hope that I have learned my lesson not to worry too much before I have all the facts.
I had my MRI today. I didn’t take any additional sedatives and was able to do it without pushing the panic button. It took 35 minutes, and it certainly wasn’t easy. Being obese as I am meant that I literally felt like I was squeezed into a tube, there was less than a centimeter of space above my stomach that allowed me to comfortably breathe in and out. I was lucky to have a very kind technician called Paul who kept on checking in with me and telling me how long each scan would take. I’m sure that as well as the two weeks of daily mindfulness practice helped me through something I would have thought I would never be able to do.
Now I just have to wait until Monday to find out the results.
Life doesn’t always go to plan, but just because it wasn’t what you wanted doesn’t mean it isn’t what is meant for you.